For expecting moms
It’s impossible to fully prepare for life after baby. But there’s a lot more you can do than get the nursery ready and pack your ‘go bag’ for the hospital.
Lessons.
Here are some things I’m glad I did (or wish I did) to prepare for postpartum:
Make a postpartum plan.
Setting up a rough framework outlining preferences, expectations, and roles to navigate the transition to motherhood.
Learn about PMADs.
1 in 5 new moms (and 1 in 10 dads) suffer from a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder. Learn more about the symptoms here so they are easier to recognize and treat if they emerge postpartum.
Make a maternity coverage plan.
Outlining key responsibilities and identify what can be stopped/consolidated. Delegate other tasks to team members and include the plan/timing for transitioning back to work.
Learn about matrascence.
Becoming a mother is a process. Understanding that this a major life transition of physical and emotional changes can help manage expectations and embrace this new identity.
Build your support village.
It really does take a village to raise a child. Identify your resources early and line up support, especially for the first couple of months.
Get clear about your ‘me time’.
When things start to get overwhelming it’s even more important to carve out time for yourself. Be intentional about what you need to recharge, then ask for it. You’ll come back a better mom and partner.
Start discussing roles with your partner.
Household chores will ramp up significantly once baby arrives. Assess your current division of labor to achieve the right balance; then constantly recalibrate once baby arrives.
Read the instructions manuals.
Baby gear can be complicated (car seat, breast pump, swaddles). Read the manuals in advance and watch demos to build your confidence and minimize the stress.
Get rest.
The early months are truly a marathon. It’s easy to obsess over the small details when you’re getting ready for baby. Focus on what matters most, including your health and sleep.
Resources.
Postpartum planning.
-
A basic framework to help navigate the first months after birth. Discussing preferences, expectations, and roles with your partner can help ease the postpartum transition. This may include parental leave, postpartum recovery, childcare, chores, and more.
-
A postpartum doula can work with you to create a postpartum care plan.
-
WEBINAR (2 hours, free): Postpartum Support International, Postpartum planning for expectant parents
TEMPLATE (free): Seven Starling, Postpartum plan template
TEMPLATE (free): Nashville Doula Services, Postpartum care plan template
-
Today’s Parent, Here’s why you need a postpartum plan
The Bump, Making a postpartum plan: How to prep for parenthood.
PMADs.
-
Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (or PMADS) are a range of disorders that can affect mothers and fathers during pregnancy and postpartum. 1 in 5 moms (and 1 in 10 dads) suffer from PMADs.
-
If you feel you may be suffering from a PMAD, know that it is not your fault and you are not to blame.
If you are in danger of harming yourself or your child, seek help immediately. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 988 or at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
If this is not an emergency, call or text Postpartum Support International’s hotline at 1-800-944-4773.
You can also find trained, qualified perinatal mental health providers (therapists, psychiatrists, and more) in your area using Postpartum Support International’s provider directory.
-
TOOL (free): Postpartum Support International, Perinatal mental health discussion tool to help track your symptoms and discuss them with your health provider.
FACT SHEET (free): Postpartum Support International, Information for Parents
-
BOOK: Karen Kleinman, Good moms have scary thoughts
TV SERIES: Fleishman is in trouble
Matrascence.
-
Becoming a mother is a major life transition of physical, physiological, and emotional changes. Treating it like a process can help manage expectations and allow you to embrace this new identity.
-
ARTICLE: NY Times, The birth of a mother by Alexandra Sacks
ARTICLE: NY Times, Mothers don’t have to be martyrs by Pooja Lakshmin
BOOK: Reshma Saujani, Pay up: The future of women and work
BOOK: Jessi Klein, I’ll show myself out
BOOK: Don Miguel Ruiz, The four agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom
-
Hey Shayla (13 min): 5 practical tips to feel like yourself again
TED talk, Alexandra Sacks (6 min): A new way to think about the transition to motherhood
Good Inside, Episode #81 (38 min): What no one tells you about parenting, with Myleik Teele
Good Inside, Episode #48 (44 min): You shouldn’t have to choose between work and motherhood, with Reshma Saujani
Good Inside, Episode #78: Essential Labor: Mothering as social change, with Angela Garbes
-
Note: The following products are not sponsored and are all items I found useful based on my own experience.
5 minute gratitude journal
Relationships.
-
Two out of three couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction after having a baby. Understanding this and taking preventative steps with your partner can help build the foundation and skills or navigating the transition later.
-
Working with a couples therapist before baby arrives can help strengthen your relationship and communication with your partner and better prepare for the transition. It gave us the tools we needed to navigate new challenges and overcome conflict.
We found our couples therapist on Psychology Today.
-
BOOK: Eve Rodsky, Fair play: A game changing solution for when you have too much to do
BOOK: Karen Kleinman, What about us? A parent’s guide to safeguarding your over-anxious, over-extended, sleep-deprived relationship
BOOK: KC Davis, How to keep house while drowning: A gentle approach to cleaning and organizing
ARTICLE: The Bump, How to prepare your relationship for baby
ARTICLE: The Gottman Institute, Romantic relationships take a dive after baby arrives
ARTICLE: NY Times, Fighting constantly after baby? Read this
ARTICLE: NPR, Stuck doing all the household chores? This practical guide can help: Life kit
ARTICLE: Art of Manliness, How and why to hold a weekly marriage meeting
-
DOCUMENTARY (1 hour 35 min): Fair Play
TV SERIES: Fleishman is in Trouble
PODCAST (44 min): Adam Grant, The science of healthy relationships with John and Julie Gottman
-
QUIZ: The love language quiz. Love languages can change after having a baby. Taking the quiz with your partner to understand how you’ve changed and how your needs have changed can impact your relationship.
-
Note: The following products are not sponsored and are all items I found useful based on my own experience.
The Fair Play Deck