Series: When maternal rage becomes power (rage as fuel for action)
Externalizing rage is how change happens | 3 min read
I didn’t expect a presentation on maternal rage to explain why I became an advocate.
As I’ve worked through my own rage with my therapist over the years, I’ve learned one lesson:
🌟 Don’t suppress your anger. Get curious about it.
I’d share another example of me snapping at my husband and kids that I wasn't proud of. My therapist would ask:
- What boundary was crossed?
- What basic need wasn’t being met?
- Where was my frustration really coming from?
During Nicole McNelis and Kristen Lipari’s session on maternal rage at this year’s Postpartum Support International conference, they said something that completely changed how I think about rage.
💫 Externalized maternal rage is how change begins.
That was my ‘aha’ moment.
For the first time, I connected two parts of my life I never connected before. My maternal rage and advocacy come from the same place: a deep intolerance for injustice.
The same part of me that says, “This isn’t OK” – when I’m scrambling to put dinner on the table, both kids are hungry and melting down, my husband's pinging me, and I’m still untangling a work problem…
…is the same part that drives me to advocate for paid leave, affordable childcare, better maternal and mental healthcare, and better support systems for families.
Rage tells us something isn’t right. But too often, we judge it. We tell moms to calm down, be more patient, and get their emotions under control.
Instead of judging maternal rage, what if we started getting curious about it?
Externalizing our maternal rage is how we start changing the systems that created it. Judging it only maintains the status quo.
📷 Slide from PSI conference presentation ‘The Overstimulated Mother: When Maternal Rage, ADHD, and Trauma Collide’
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Read my full blog on Postpartum Support International When Maternal Rage Becomes Power.
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